Do you value yourself? 

Do you ever feel you aren’t valued?

I know it’s something I feel every time I have an art show and nothing sells, or I talk about my consulting business and the person doesn’t hire me.

But what if it could be the other way around?

We know this on the skin layer, we pretend at some level rejection doesn’t bother us.

But is it really true?

Others won’t value us, unless we value ourselves first.

It seems to me that when people keep saying that giving is the key to happiness, they are missing the point, the real secret.

We have been told ad nauseum to put others before ourselves. But as in the oxygen on the airplane scenario, we can’t if we aren’t caring for ourselves. There is nothing to give.

Have you ever donated some money, and it only felt good for about ten minutes? Then you started wondering how you could pay your bills?

Giving is only helpful when it comes from a place of us feeling supported and having enough.

If you give in order to get, then you are just going to end up penniless.

I think people who feel loved and supported naturally give, as an outpouring of their sense of well being. And that makes them feel good. So then they think the giving is what made them feel good.

Do you remember a time when you felt generous, when you gave freely? How were you feeling on the inside? Were you feeling particularly cared for, even if everything wasn’t going your way?

I have read and listened to thousands of interviews of successful people. People who are happy, not just monetarily successful. And the thread that runs through each, that connects them all, is that somewhere in their upbringing they felt supported. It wasn’t always from a parent, it could have been through a church, or neighbor, but they grew up knowing they were supported.

(If you are like me, and didn’t feel supported as a child, then it’s our responsibility to find that feeling as adults. I spent plenty of time complaining about what I didn’t get, but nothing changed in my life, until I started noticing all the ways I am supported and loved.)

True giving comes from a place of knowing you are cared for.

What I have found when I am not feeling loved and supported, is I focus on something I love, and allow that feeling of love to come back to me. Then I feel full and supported and then I am ready to give and help others.

So you can just smile at those people who tell you you have to give in order to feel better.

Now you know how it really works.

It’s having that core sense that you are supported and taken care of that truly creates a sense of joy when you give.

Feeling God/Source in the Room 

What would happen if in all interactions you felt God/Source in the room with you?

When your interacting with someone you don’t particularly care for, what would happen if you pretended that you were seeing them through God’s eyes?

I tend to be scared of people and yet curious about people at the same time.

I am no good as a hermit because I am fascinated by all the different lenses from which people view life.

So it occurred to me one day that surely God/Source doesn’t see all these people as scary like I do. So what would happen if I started intentionally bringing God into the room?

It shifted everything. Conversations that were boring and tiring (I am an introvert parading as an extrovert) became interesting. I started feeling a deep connection with the people I was interacting with, even strangers.

Even in group settings, it shifts the interactions. I don’t know why, I have just witnessed it time and time again.

It’s very cool!

Give it a whirl if you feel so inspired!

What if safety comes from within not from without?

Is it our expectation that others behave a certain way that makes us feel unsafe?

For example, I feel safer in the woods by myself, than I do around people. I know what to expect there, wildlife is predictable to me and I have expectations that nothing there wants to hurt me. And I have proof from my many years of being in the middle of nowhere, and mountain lions and bears just walking past me.

Whereas people are a crapshoot. I don’t expect people to be kind, courteous and considerate. It is not what I have normally experienced  Even though not all people are unkind.

But most people feel safer in towns and cities, around people, not by themselves because they have an expectation that wildlife wants to hurt them.

It’s the difference between what I believe and how many people believe.

So what if we stop having certain expectations or beliefs about how others should act so we feel safe?

What if it is our belief about  a situation that makes us feel safe or unsafe?

What would you do if you were Free? 

I like to ask myself this question occasionally.

“What would I do if I were free?”

Often our minds will come up with all kinds of defenses.

“I’m not free, I don’t have all the money I need, I have to work.”

But what I found is it opens a space of possibility. Once I go beyond the minds defenses, there is a quiet space, a relaxation in the body.

Then a voice appears that says, “Oh, what would I do if I were free? That is a good question.”

Then our mind, body and soul starts chewing on that. It starts telling us all the things we can do right now. An the thing that really matters, what we want to look towards.

You may not get any immediate response for anything specific, and you may.

But the powerful thing that happens is an opening to the Possibilities! 

What would you do if you were free?

Never Be Sorry

This was the first recommendation I was told after giving my first speech at Toastmasters.

Never Be Sorry, your apology buried what you said after that.

How often do you apologize for what you’ve done or said or just for your presence?

Some of us seem to grow up with this sense that just our present is a nuisance to our parents.

So we learn to apologize. A LOT!

So the man assigned to evaluate my Toastmasters speech really hit a nerve with me when he suggested I never apologize.

It made me aware of how often I apologize for various things in my life.

There are certainly times when an apology is appropriate. I apologize when someone I love feels hurt. Not because I m responsible for their feelings but because I am sorry they hurt.

How often do you apologize?

Do you think you need to do it more or less?