The forested stream curved beside us as we swashed through the shoulder high plants.  I found myself just noticing, “plant with razor-edged leaf, spike of purple protruding from stalk, wood across path, blade of green, light streaming  through the trees, neck feeling prickly.” And in so doing I felt so much energy!

I had heard a friend say many times, just notice, no judgment, no thoughts.  I had been meditating for twenty years practicing this, and now here I was walking along this remote trail, seeing things for the first time because I wasn’t labeling them!

I started doing this because I wasn’t enjoying the moment.  We had hiked six or seven miles and I was tired of climbing over downed trees and stumbling through plants as high as me.  I yearned for a clear path, one that allowed me to be in the blissfully meditative state I usually go into when hiking.  I felt the need to do something different or I was going to arrive back at camp with a headache and not be able to enjoy the quiet solitude.

I knew the names of many of the plants, but the names seem to detract from the plant itself.  I didn’t know anyone else who knew the plant names so it didn’t help in communications, it only served to keep me from really noticing and seeing the curves, the lines, and the shades of green.  This was the first time I had noticed that plants in a continuously shaded area are all the same color green, whereas those plants that receive sunlight can be a myriad shades of green.  In the past I would have been lost in my head naming the plants, studying and thinking about them, rather than just seeing what was in front of me.  This time I could really see the plants, not the constraints my mind created about them.

When I would start thinking about some random topic that had no relevance to the present moment,  I felt heavier and it was harder to navigate the many downed trees and overgrown plants.

The less I thought about random things the happier I felt.  It wasn’t just happiness, it was joy, clear, unfettered joy.  I realized, and felt in every cell in my body that thinking, labeling or judging things bound up so much energy.  It was if I was forcing down a cloud or covering over each object as we passed if I tried to label it in any way.  The practice of just noticing freed me from holding that cloud from each object and gave me energy to allow everything to just be!

It was reminiscent of that great T.S. Eliot quote:

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

That quote has spoken to me in so many head ways.  I thought it was about me being better, me improving that would allow me to see something for the first time. And what it really is, is that there is nothing wrong with me, I am perfect as I am, I was just putting constraints and labels on everything including myself.  I wasn’t allowing everyone and everything to be as it was instead I needed to make it fit in a neat little box that I could contain and control. This was the first time I knew that everything is perfect as it is when I allow myself and everything else to be.

It is so simple yet it is hard to describe and can be even harder to implement.  I find I go through life feeling the need to label things, to judge things as good or bad, to compartmentalize things to see if they fit within my present belief system and narrative about the world.  It is as if I need to do this in order to keep myself feeling separate from the person or object I labeled, especially if it is someone who acts much differently than I am comfortable with. Do you find yourself doing this?

Labeling objects can be helpful in communicating with others, but it is a hindrance when we continue to label as we go through our day.  When I stop labeling things a whole space opens.  It is as if I have taken the blinders off my head and I can truly see for the first time.

Just being is a challenge for so many of us. Our culture has made us to be proud of our accomplishments, how much money we have made, how much we got done in a day. How often have you felt so proud of yourself because you got your entire to-do list done?  I know I have. And yet ironically those are often the days I also feel the most drained.  At the end of the day I realize I haven’t been present to myself or whomever I was with that day.  I wanted that high of crossing the next thing off my list rather than just connecting to what is in front of me.  The high comes at a price.  The price is connection, love and joy.  The price is what leaves us feeling more and more disconnected from our surroundings, from nature, from happiness.  Most of us believe that if we accomplish ABC then we will feel better, more relaxed.  Often this does happen for a few moments until our mind comes up with the next thing that isn’t just right and needs to be done.

I am so guilty of this.  I have spent a large portion of my life believing if I just get everything done and in order than I will feel free.

But I finally got to discover that real freedom, true exhilaration comes from just seeing everything as it is.  Woman in red hat crossing the street (yes, she may be crossing against the signal but if you just see the human before you that moment will be so much richer), car getting in front of me, red glow from black box above street.  Everything has an opportunity to be what it is, and in it’s isness it contributes to the fullness of our lives. At the end of the day, instead having a piece of paper with several lines across letters, we will have experiences, we will have energy, we will feel more connected than having a million friends on facebook.

The most remarkable thing that I learned from Lady was her resiliency and just wanting me

Where do you feel at home?

I started wondering this because, well I don’t know, I’m just curious. Most people consider home where they grew up. I never felt the place I grew up was home, it was just where I was born.

I realized for myself there are three places that feel like home-Yosemite National Park, Longboat Key, Florida, and inside my heart.

It’s not that I spent a lot of time in Yosemite or Longboat, but they are places where I have deep connections to the land and good memories of connecting with others.

Feeling at home in my heart is a relatively new thing for me. It has come about because I am physically living someplace I don’t want to be. The gift this has given me is finding that sense of home in my heart. Now it goes with me everywhere, like a turtle shell.

The answer to the question was surprising and comforting.

I don’t know why I like knowing that I have multiple places that feel like home. I don’t feel a need to be there all the time- I just like knowing they exist.

Especially the one in my chest.

Do you value yourself? 

Do you ever feel you aren’t valued?

I know it’s something I feel every time I have an art show and nothing sells, or I talk about my consulting business and the person doesn’t hire me.

But what if it could be the other way around?

We know this on the skin layer, we pretend at some level rejection doesn’t bother us.

But is it really true?

Others won’t value us, unless we value ourselves first.

It seems to me that when people keep saying that giving is the key to happiness, they are missing the point, the real secret.

We have been told ad nauseum to put others before ourselves. But as in the oxygen on the airplane scenario, we can’t if we aren’t caring for ourselves. There is nothing to give.

Have you ever donated some money, and it only felt good for about ten minutes? Then you started wondering how you could pay your bills?

Giving is only helpful when it comes from a place of us feeling supported and having enough.

If you give in order to get, then you are just going to end up penniless.

I think people who feel loved and supported naturally give, as an outpouring of their sense of well being. And that makes them feel good. So then they think the giving is what made them feel good.

Do you remember a time when you felt generous, when you gave freely? How were you feeling on the inside? Were you feeling particularly cared for, even if everything wasn’t going your way?

I have read and listened to thousands of interviews of successful people. People who are happy, not just monetarily successful. And the thread that runs through each, that connects them all, is that somewhere in their upbringing they felt supported. It wasn’t always from a parent, it could have been through a church, or neighbor, but they grew up knowing they were supported.

(If you are like me, and didn’t feel supported as a child, then it’s our responsibility to find that feeling as adults. I spent plenty of time complaining about what I didn’t get, but nothing changed in my life, until I started noticing all the ways I am supported and loved.)

True giving comes from a place of knowing you are cared for.

What I have found when I am not feeling loved and supported, is I focus on something I love, and allow that feeling of love to come back to me. Then I feel full and supported and then I am ready to give and help others.

So you can just smile at those people who tell you you have to give in order to feel better.

Now you know how it really works.

It’s having that core sense that you are supported and taken care of that truly creates a sense of joy when you give.