The forested stream curved beside us as we swashed through the shoulder high plants. I found myself just noticing, “plant with razor-edged leaf, spike of purple protruding from stalk, wood across path, blade of green, light streaming through the trees, neck feeling prickly.” And in so doing I felt so much energy!
I had heard a friend say many times, just notice, no judgment, no thoughts. I had been meditating for twenty years practicing this, and now here I was walking along this remote trail, seeing things for the first time because I wasn’t labeling them!
I started doing this because I wasn’t enjoying the moment. We had hiked six or seven miles and I was tired of climbing over downed trees and stumbling through plants as high as me. I yearned for a clear path, one that allowed me to be in the blissfully meditative state I usually go into when hiking. I felt the need to do something different or I was going to arrive back at camp with a headache and not be able to enjoy the quiet solitude.
I knew the names of many of the plants, but the names seem to detract from the plant itself. I didn’t know anyone else who knew the plant names so it didn’t help in communications, it only served to keep me from really noticing and seeing the curves, the lines, and the shades of green. This was the first time I had noticed that plants in a continuously shaded area are all the same color green, whereas those plants that receive sunlight can be a myriad shades of green. In the past I would have been lost in my head naming the plants, studying and thinking about them, rather than just seeing what was in front of me. This time I could really see the plants, not the constraints my mind created about them.
When I would start thinking about some random topic that had no relevance to the present moment, I felt heavier and it was harder to navigate the many downed trees and overgrown plants.
The less I thought about random things the happier I felt. It wasn’t just happiness, it was joy, clear, unfettered joy. I realized, and felt in every cell in my body that thinking, labeling or judging things bound up so much energy. It was if I was forcing down a cloud or covering over each object as we passed if I tried to label it in any way. The practice of just noticing freed me from holding that cloud from each object and gave me energy to allow everything to just be!
It was reminiscent of that great T.S. Eliot quote:
We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
That quote has spoken to me in so many head ways. I thought it was about me being better, me improving that would allow me to see something for the first time. And what it really is, is that there is nothing wrong with me, I am perfect as I am, I was just putting constraints and labels on everything including myself. I wasn’t allowing everyone and everything to be as it was instead I needed to make it fit in a neat little box that I could contain and control. This was the first time I knew that everything is perfect as it is when I allow myself and everything else to be.
It is so simple yet it is hard to describe and can be even harder to implement. I find I go through life feeling the need to label things, to judge things as good or bad, to compartmentalize things to see if they fit within my present belief system and narrative about the world. It is as if I need to do this in order to keep myself feeling separate from the person or object I labeled, especially if it is someone who acts much differently than I am comfortable with. Do you find yourself doing this?
Labeling objects can be helpful in communicating with others, but it is a hindrance when we continue to label as we go through our day. When I stop labeling things a whole space opens. It is as if I have taken the blinders off my head and I can truly see for the first time.
Just being is a challenge for so many of us. Our culture has made us to be proud of our accomplishments, how much money we have made, how much we got done in a day. How often have you felt so proud of yourself because you got your entire to-do list done? I know I have. And yet ironically those are often the days I also feel the most drained. At the end of the day I realize I haven’t been present to myself or whomever I was with that day. I wanted that high of crossing the next thing off my list rather than just connecting to what is in front of me. The high comes at a price. The price is connection, love and joy. The price is what leaves us feeling more and more disconnected from our surroundings, from nature, from happiness. Most of us believe that if we accomplish ABC then we will feel better, more relaxed. Often this does happen for a few moments until our mind comes up with the next thing that isn’t just right and needs to be done.
I am so guilty of this. I have spent a large portion of my life believing if I just get everything done and in order than I will feel free.
But I finally got to discover that real freedom, true exhilaration comes from just seeing everything as it is. Woman in red hat crossing the street (yes, she may be crossing against the signal but if you just see the human before you that moment will be so much richer), car getting in front of me, red glow from black box above street. Everything has an opportunity to be what it is, and in it’s isness it contributes to the fullness of our lives. At the end of the day, instead having a piece of paper with several lines across letters, we will have experiences, we will have energy, we will feel more connected than having a million friends on facebook.
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